I was in third grade and attending a Christian school. My parents were going through a divorce. My world felt a little shaky. The enemy saw a little girl who was ripe for the picking. I had just recently talked my Mom into letting me wear pantyhose. I was allowed to wear nude, but not suntan. Suntan would make me look too old. I remember walking up to the front porch of the school where a guy was hanging with some of his teenage friends.
He asked me, “What is that on your legs?”
I responded very sheepishly, “Pantyhose.”
He said, “What size are they? Q for queen?!” while laughing with his friends.
I remember turning around and walking away. I distinctively remember seeing the ground as I walked. At that moment, I decided that anything I do and wear will be critiqued. That everything was open for judgment. Nothing would go unnoticed. I was something to laugh at. I was weird. I was abnormal. I was less than.
In a ten minute period of time, in a room full of people, I sat still and asked God, “Why am I so insecure? Why can’t I be comfortable in my own skin?” I thought He was going to bring up some life changing moment that I was aware of. You know….those skeletons in the closet that we all have and at a moment’s notice we can riddle off the list of why we are the way we are. My parents divorced. I was molested. The near-death experiences…so on and so on. But, instead, He brought up this moment and spoke the truth that disintegrated the lie.
“It wasn’t you, it was his insecurity,” God said.
Everything changed. In an instant, it was like a magical download. I knew what the Father meant. It was never about me. It was about the insecurity that this guy felt around his friends and he transferred it to me using the vehicle of his words.
Wow! You mean I’m enough?
Yes! I have the right to take up space in this world. Who I am is amazing because I was made by an amazing Creator. He loves me with all my quirks, all my short-comings and all my brilliantness. He loves me as me. What’s there not to love?
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
“…You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
– John 8:32 (NIV)
Here’s to killing the monster of insecurity.
Post by, Leah Rocha
Co-Founder of j2i
Leah is a wife and mom. She is married to her first love, Julian. They have three children, Jordan (19), Leslie (18), and Brookes (11). She is currently attending college at The King's University, Southlake Texas and is on course to receive her Bachelor's degree in Counseling.